In A Word: Perfection
by Alria
Summary: Steiner finally decides to pop the question to Beatrix, and everything must be perfect. But Steiner soon finds out just how UNperfect plans can sometimes turn out! A romantic/comedy featuring Steiner, Beatrix, and the tone-deaf knights of Pluto! R&R!


Roses are Red

By Alria

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the FF 9 characters or settings in this story.

Author's Note: Hehehello everybody. Well, after writing Forever Means Always for so long, I decided I'd write a short comedy. Yeah, I know it's ridiculous, and I'm not sure I succeeded in making you laugh, but hey. It was fun. It really has no point to it actuallynot of all the fics I've readI've learned that many of them don't. I've always thought that Steiner and Beatrix were such a CUTE coupleand this is a fic of their very own. Enjoy!

~

"Rusty! Get out of the bathroom, will ya! You've been in there for HOURS!" cried an impenitent Zidane.

"II'm almost done!" the flustered Steiner called back. Zidane rolled his eyes.

"You said that half an hour ago!"

Steiner groaned as he undid the hideous bow he had made in his tie.

"Why can't he be more patient?" he muttered as he began to retie the bow for the twenty-eighth time. If he wanted to use the bathroom so much, why didn't he just use the one upstairs? Steiner rolled his eyes at the stupidity of his question. Zidane didn't use the upstairs one because he found immense joy in tormenting the leader of the knights of Pluto. Steiner grinned smugly. Well, monkey-boy was just going to have to wait. Tonight was going to be a special nightthe night he proposed to Beatrix.

Steiner glanced nervously at the small black box that contained her ring as he gelled back his coarse, black hair. Would she say yes? Closing his eyes, Steiner began to go through hiss list of preparations one more time. Bouquet of flowers as a centerpiece. Filet mignon as the main course. Steiner smiled. Tonight was going to be perfect! What could possibly go wrong?

Nearly an hour later, Steiner emerged from the bathroom, tuxedo and all. Zidane (who had been nagging Steiner constantly since he had gone inside) stared at him with eyes as wide as soup-bowls. The two were silent for a few seconds, but then Zidane broke into peels of laughter.

"Wow, Rusty! What's you do to yourself!? You look like an over-weight penguin! I'd stick with the armor if I were you!" Zidane managed through burst of laughter. Steiner snorted.

"That's not funny!" he fumed, and then stormed off to get Beatrix.

Mustering up as much courage as he could, Steiner knocked three times on Beatrix's door. It opened almost immediately, and in the doorway stood Beatrix. She was dressed not in her usual soldier clothes, but in a tight, shimmering blue dress. Steiner's heart skipped a beat. She was beautiful.

"Oh, it's you! Great! I'm ready to go if you are," she said, a smile on her lips. Steiner could only nod dumbly.

"Alright then! Let's go!" she said cheerfully, and closed the door behind her. As they began to walk towards the castle gate, Steiner noticed that Beatrix was carrying a small, gold purse. His heart leapt with joy. A chance to impress her with his magnificent chivalry. 

"Oh, Beatrix! Let me carry that for you."

"Why, thank you, Steiner!" Beatrix handed her purse to Steiner, who gripped it with pride.

The two walked out of the castle, and stood together until a coach some rolling up. Steiner immediately hurried over and opened the door, allowing Beatrix to step inside. She smiled at him, and then took her seat. Steiner, beaming, stepped inside as well and closed the door behind him. Everything was going perfectly.

The two talked as the coach rode towards the restaurant Steiner had picked out. The night was cool, and Steiner was absolutely ecstatic. They talked about the queen; they're adventures in the past, and other things. It had only seemed like a few minutes when Steiner felt the coach come to a stop. On instinct, Steiner stood up and pushed open the door. Beatrix walked past, dress flowing out behind her. Steiner, still grinning to himself, closed the door behind him and stepped out of the carriage. Everything was going according to plan.

As soon as the two stepped into the elegant restaurant, a short, pudgy waiter waddled over towards them. He managed a clumsy bow, and then came up, smiling broadly.

"General Steiner! Lady Beatrix! You have a reservation, I presume?" he asked. Steiner nodded.

"Yes, of course," he said in a very official manner. The waiter began to flip through a large, red book, and then slammed a finger down.

"Ah! Yes, yes! Come, I'll escort you two," he said cheerfully and began to walk off. Steiner and Beatrix followed closely, until he finally stopped in front of a small round table. Steiner's smile broadened when he saw the bouquet in the center of the table. Just as he had ordered. The short waiter bowed once more, and then waddled off, leaving the two alone.

Beatrix and Steiner sat down, facing each other form opposite ends of the table. At first, they were silent, but suddenly Beatrix began to sneeze. 

"Are you alright?" Steiner asked. Beatrix nodded.

"Yes, I (achoo!) am just (achoo!) allergic (achoo!) to (achoo!) flowers," she said in a stuffy voice. Steiner's face turned a deathly white. THIS he hadn't expected! What was he going to do? This wasn't right! Steiner took a deep breath. Now calm down, Steiner. Just call that fat little waiter over and have him take them away. Everything was fine.

"Waiter!" he called in a deep voice as Beatrix continued to sneeze uncontrollably. After what seemed like an eternity, the little waiter appeared.

"Yes, my lord?" he asked. Steiner sighed. Finally.

"Would you please dispose of these flowers?" he asked. The waiter, a puzzled look on his face, nodded shakily and waddled off with the vase in hand. Almost immediately Beatrix's sneezing stopped, and she smiled at Steiner.

"Thank you. Oh dearSteiner, will you hand me my handkerchief? It's in the gold handbag I gave you earlier," she asked. Steiner nodded happily and bent down under the table. Butthe handbag was there. What? HowSteiner's heart leapt into his throat. He had left the handbag in the coach! Oh nothis was awful! WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO!? Steiner slowly sat up again, sweating heavily. Beatrix looked up at him, a puzzled expression on her face.

"Where's my handkerchief?" she asked. Steiner felt like he was going to faint.

"Ithat is"

"You lost my handbag, didn't you?" Steiner could only nod solemnly. Beatrix sighed.

"Great. Well, I suppose the coach will be back to pick us up. I'll just get it then," she said quietly. Steiner said nothing, a blanket of shame resting over him. This was not going so well

Suddenly, three familiar voices rang out through the quiet restaurant.

"Gawd, I haven't been here in ages!"

"Me, neither. Man, how long has it been now?"

"You both have such bad memories. It was about two months ago."

Steiner's heart sank. It couldn't be. The knights of Pluto! Or three of them at least. Steiner buried his face in his hands. Please don't let them see me. Please don't let them see me

"Well I'll be! Hey, Captain Steiner! Never thought I'd see you here! Ohand Lady Beatrix!" Steiner inwardly cursed his bad luck, a broad smile on his face. The three blundering knights talked up to him, each staring at the two.

"What are you two doing here?" one of the knights asked. Steiner immediately straightened his back.

"We're just having dinner. Nothing more," he said bluntly. The eyes of the three men widened as they winked at each other.

"Oh, it's a DATE! Well, Captain, you're going about it all wrong! What you need is MUSIC! And aren't you lucky, cause you're got the three greatest singers in Alexandria! Ready, guys? ONE TWO THREE! BLUE MOOOOOOOOON! YOU SAW ME STANDING ALOOOOOOOONE" Steiner bit his lower lip. God, this wasn't happening! The three were worse then anything Steiner could have imagined each on a completely different pitch. They had the scratchiest voices he had ever heard, and were all horribly out of key. Steiner shot a quick glance at Beatrix. She was sitting rigid in her seat, a thin, fake smile on her lips. Steiner felt like breaking down and crying right there.

After the knights of Pluto had finished, they bowed with grins on their faces.

"Isn't that better, Captain?"

"Don't worry, you can thank us later,"

"Ta-ta!" and with that, the three knights were gone. For a few seconds, neither Beatrix nor Steiner said a word, but then Beatrix spoke up.

"That wasnice Steiner. I can't believe you thought to ask them to come in here and sing for us."

Steiner was mortified. He, ask THEM to sing? The thought of taking the blame was that awful display was too much to take.

"Beatrix, I didn't-" the general cut him off.

"No, it's alright, Steiner. Don't be embarrassed. Iquite enjoyed it, actually," she said quietly. Steiner shook his head. There was no use arguing with her; he knew she would win. H e could just have to take the blame.

After a few more minutes, Steiner heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the table. He sighed. At least she could enjoy the food he had picked out. Filet mignon was a delicacy, Beatrix was sure to like it.

The waiter walked up quickly and placed the two plates of food on the table in front of them. The warm, pink meat looked delicious, and Steiner wasted on time digging in. He had eaten about ten chunks when he noticed Beatrix just sitting there, meat untouched.

"What is it? Meat to raw?" he asked, that sense of foreboding triggering in the back of his neck. Beatrix looked up at him, smiling meekly.

"I suppose I never told you this. It never came up in conversation, but," Steiner's eyes widened in terror. He knew what was coming.

"I'm a vegetarian."

It took all the self-control Steiner had to keep from breaking down into sobs. First the flowers, then the handkerchief, then the tone-deaf knights of Pluto, and now this. With as much dignity Steiner could muster, he stood up and pushed in his chair.

"Perhaps we should go," he said, face crimson red. Beatrix nodded, standing up herself.

"Yesthat's a good idea," she said quietly. And they walked silently out of the restaurant; eyes fixed on the floor.

Outside, the moon was shining brightly over head, and the stars twinkled like diamonds. They offered Steiner a little comfort, for at least this atmosphere was romantic. He might as well askwhere was the harm? It's what he had come to do, anyway. What could it hurt?

"BeatrixI have something to ask you," he said quietly. Steiner clumsily reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black box that held his diamond ring. He slowly bent down, his knee landing on the dark ground. Steiner something warm and gushy squish under his leg as he knelt in front of Dagger. Trying not to think of what it was he was kneeling IN, Steiner opened the small box. Beatrix gasped placing hr hand over her mouth.

"Oh!"

"Beatrixwill you marry me?"

There was a long silence as Beatrix thought and the warm gooze soaked into Steiner's pants. Then, all at once, Beatrix answered.

"Yes. Oh, yes!" she cried, and wrapped her arms around Steiner.

Steiner knelt, stunned. Yes? She had said yes? Even after all thatafter everythingshe had said yes! Oh, thank you god! Steiner thought as he kissed Beatrix. This was the best day of his life! And he was so happy; he didn't even notice the pungent aroma of dung that wafted up from under his knee


End file.
